Relapse

I'm checking in. I was out, but I'm back. I've relapsed into emotional detox running. I don't know what I was ever doing getting out of it. I guess I forgot just how good it is. When I run I can feel every emotion pulsing through me. I can physically experience my emotions--happiness, playfulness, sadness,anger, pain. In running, I welcome the fatigue, I welcome the pain. The piercing in my side, the ache in my chest, the stinging of my muscles, it feels so good. I can feel, my mental anguish. My physical pain is real, it occupies my thoughts leaving no room for anything else, it allows me to escape for a moment. It releases me from the merry-go-round thoughts which are ever present, holding me prisoner in my mind. If I couldn't run, I am afraid of what I would do. Praise God for running. As I begin to be pained and fatigued, I become empty of my strength, my self-reliance. I become weak and defeated both physically and mentally. In that moment I finally surrender everything to the Lord cause I don't know what else to do cause I have nothing left. He is the only thing that will get me through and so I cling to Him. This is what I mean by detox -- I feel, I become weak, I surrender.

I have relapsed in more than one sense . . . "I am injured and the pain so great I cannot move forward. The path is perilous, rocky, and I cannot see what is before me. The pain pierces me and I am a crumpled heap in the path grasping at my injury. I am alone. In time I will crawl, stand up, walk, and even run." I tried to stand up too fast, the pain courses sharply through my body as I find myself a crumpled in a heap on the path. How long before I crawl again? Will this injury have life long damage? Will I ever be able to run again?

Add: 3.6 miles running